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Old Sunday 17th August 2008, 15:36
lakercapt lakercapt is offline  
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Gods thoughts on Lawns

GOD; Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on that planet? What happened to the dandeloins, voilets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attratcts butterflies,honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green recangles.

St. Francis: Its the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees: only grubs and sod worms. Its sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST.FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisioning any other plant that crops up inthe lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probibly make the grass grow really fast. That must make the suburbanites happy.

ST.Francsi: Apparently not Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST.FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. They rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST.FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. THey fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow , they cut it off and pay to throw it away?


GOD: THese Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST.FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this , Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was asheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Its a natural cycle of life.

ST.FRANCIS: You better sit down Lord. These suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrubs and the tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose??

ST.FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch??

ST.FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you are in charge of the Arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST.CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber" Lord. Its a story about.........

GOD: Never mind. I think I just heard the whole story from St.Francis

Last edited by lakercapt; Sunday 17th August 2008 at 22:27. Reason: spelling
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Old Sunday 17th August 2008, 16:18
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haha Love it Bill - and we can ALL see ourselves in that!
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Old Sunday 17th August 2008, 18:28
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That made me laugh - sadly, its all true !!
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Old Sunday 17th August 2008, 19:11
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Peewit Peewit is offline  
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Good one Bill.

It is true that humans are inclined to want to make more work for themselves most of the time.

Even of it is unnecessary at times - why mow a lawn 2 times a week

Human nature is odd at the best of times.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. Maya Angelou
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Old Monday 18th August 2008, 00:30
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KC Foggin KC Foggin is offline  
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Heck, my lawn is lucky to get it once a week and more usually 10 days depending on just how hot it is.
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Old Monday 18th August 2008, 08:31
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Hi Lakercapt,

That is very thought provoking.
I have to agree it applies to us too.
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Old Tuesday 19th August 2008, 12:54
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peony mad peony mad is offline  
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loved that Lakercapt, and so true, just as well we can laugh at ourselves from time to time
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